Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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