Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
