She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
