My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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