i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i love accidental penises.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
