Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
FUCK WHALES
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
