What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
