i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
