the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
