no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm like, not good at living.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
