i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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