Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
