Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
