sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
the day after is always just damage control
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
