Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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