the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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