we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Drunk is not a location!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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