I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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