you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
