Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?