No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona