i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now