Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
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I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"