he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.