i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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