my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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