Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
