I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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