Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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