you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
