i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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