How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
