her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
