too bad you live with your parents still
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
