we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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