He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
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you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
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God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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