and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Two words: blizzard sex
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
