too bad you live with your parents still
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
