there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
