He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
