Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
