My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
