hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
