Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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