My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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