I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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