I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
