I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
wow bdsm is so cute
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
