Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
