Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
