you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize