You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
