either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
