do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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