just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
