Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
