The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
