apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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