Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
