Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
