Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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