Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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