he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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