worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
