Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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