i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
