Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
