I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
