im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
