My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
