yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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