Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
