He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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