First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
