if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
